When Is It Time to Start Trusting Again?
I’ve always had trust issues. Anyone that knows me really well knows that, and it’s something that I’ve struggled with for years. I want to trust people but my past haunts me and I’m genuinely worried that my heart can’t bear having trust broken again.
Because it hurts, right? It hurts when we put our trust in someone and they break that trust. We all know once trust is broken then all is lost. It’s really hard to get trust back once it’s been tarnished. Although we want to trust again, sometimes it can be impossible to ever trust the person that hurt us.
I always think about that broken plate parable because when it comes to trust, it’s so very true. It’s the story of a mother explaining to her son about how saying bad words can never be taken back, even when you say you’re sorry. The same thing goes for trust, once it’s broken things between you and that person can never be the same again.
“One day while washing dishes, the mother had a great idea. She called her son into the room and handed him a plate. ‘Throw that plate on the ground,’ she instructed the young man. After some encouragement, the young man did as he was told. As expected, the plate broke into several pieces.
‘Now let’s glue this plate back together,’ the mother said, so they worked together for quite some time and had the plate looking pretty close to its original state, although a few cracks and chips were still visible. ‘Now say you’re sorry to this plate,’ the mother said. The child looked confused but saw that his mother was serious. So, he said his apology. ‘Now is the plate good as new?’ the mother asked. The child shook his head no because although it was back together, it would never look the same.”
This is what broken trust is like. I have had trust broken many times in my life, with spouses, friends and even people that I chose to work with in my professional field. It seemed every time that I trusted someone I lived to regret it. These are where my trust issues come from. It sucks because it’s no way to live. I know myself that I don’t want to go through life questioning everyone because not everyone is a jerk. I talk about trust and what it means to me in my upcoming book, You Taste Like Whiskey and Sunshine.
I talk about the things that I’ve gone through and how they shaped my life. What I learned in the past year is that holding onto mistrust is not worth it. Sometimes people in life are going to wrong you, and that really sucks. But not everyone is out to get you and at some point, you have to take a leap of faith and believe that everything is going to be just fine. It’s okay to dust off the wounds from the past, to forgive who has harmed you, it doesn’t mean you have to have them in your life.
Just don’t be handcuffed to what people did to you in the past. Let go of the trust issues, and things from the past because when you do you will never feel freer. You will realize that having trust issues is kind of like being in a prison of your own making. Start looking for the good in people instead of the bad. Believe that there are good people out there because you never know who can walk into your life when you finally let them in.